FB Lent blog

Through this time of Lent, God is pulling me closer to Him, by bringing forward what is supposed to matter most in my life... my husband & my children. I am to be spending quality time with them; choosing in each moment if what I'm doing is the best use of my time and energy. Sometimes I "get it", and sometimes I "get it" after the fact. With God's direction and lots of His grace, I am becoming aware of how my time should be spent and that's the best move forward in a LONG time!

Road Rage Week 2

After having such an amazing first week of Lent, you would think that a repeat performance was in the bag. Nope. I backslid so well you would think I was moon walking. Sunday and Monday were fine. Temptation was there: no traffic – speeding, or heavy traffic – tailgating, but I was strong and took each opportunity to show the devil who was boss. Then Tuesday arrived. Now before I go any further in my tale I need to clarify one thing. Although it may sound like I am blaming others for my failure, I am not. I chose to break my promise, I chose to sin. Ok, enough. So Tuesday came and my daughter was returning from a long weekend at her mothers. My wife was supposed to go get her but my son's doctor's appointment ran long. So picture this: I am in Seattle, it is 1:15pm, my daughter is being dropped at South Center Mall at 2, my wife and son are at the doctor's office in Lynnwood, and I have a meeting I can't miss at 2. So I tell my boss that I may be late to the meeting and I bail. The ride is 20 minutes each way giving me 5 minutes to pick her up. I can do this. Oops, I park 5 minutes from work, now I am behind by 5 minutes. No traffic on I-5. So I let the odometer peek above 60. At first it wasn't intentional but it wasn't long before that 61 became 62. (the speed values have been changed to protect the not innocent). I picked her up and looked at the clock as we pull out of the mall…..1:50. Poop. So back on I-5 and a little more driving at 62mph. Needless to say I was still late to my meeting, and nothing but frustration was gained by my disobedience. Here is the real problem. Inertia. Once you fall, it makes it so easy to continue. I got a new car that day, by God's grace and nothing I did (different story), and how do you drive a new car and not see what it can do? I mean I need to know the envelope, right? I kept hearing my own voice saying: "You already broke Lent, you can start over on Sunday". I believed it and as I was cruzing in to work on Thursday it hit me like a ton of bricks. A truth 2x4 upside the head. Here is a peek inside my head: "Who knows you almost as good as Jesus?" I asked my reflection. "You do" I told myself. "And you know what a filthy sinner and liar you are, right?" I asked again. "Yes" was the shamed reply. "Then why on God's green earth would you trust yourself? You idiot!" Ok. So it is true that speeding is only a small problem compared to my fast collection of issues. But the truth of my experience is still there: God wants to give me abundant joy, and His gift of joy is always given through obedience. Finding a thrill outside of His will is futile.

Lent story

Last week I felt God would have me fast from TV watching and replace it with time spent reading the Bible. One of the passages I was reading was Isaiah 58 where God is telling the Israelites why their fasting was not acceptable to Him. He wanted replacement of their phony spiritual exercise with tangible efforts that showed a change of heart and a reflection of His character. He wanted them "..to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free..to share food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter." It's a challenging passage to read. Would my fasting this Lent season be pleasing to God?

So often there are phone calls that I know I should make because a friend is needing my encouragement. When I get home from work, I'm tired and drained after dealing with people's problems all day, so making an encouraging phone call can seem like a duty. One of my friends is very isolated and lonely, with circumstances, that for the most part, are not of her own making or choosing. I'm one of her few friends and probably her only Christian friend, so I know how important my phone calls are. But it's easy for me to get busy or to feel like I deserve time in front of the TV to unwind and relax. Soon it's too late to make the call I was intending to make. I generally feel guilty, knowing that if it really was a priority for me, I would have made the call. One evening last week I realized that by not watching TV, I not only had time to read the Bible, I had time to make a phone call. My friend was so glad to hear from me and I found myself engaged in an unhurried conversation, chatting about inconsequential things, without an "agenda" of encouragement. I made the call with a different attitude, listening more intently, and yes, still offering words of encouragement. Getting off the phone I realized that by obeying God I could help to set my friend free of the oppression of her isolation and loneliness, even if only for a brief time.

Giving Up Radio, Gaining Some Time with God, Seeing a Burning Bush

The past couple weeks, I have given up radio for lent.

It may seem like a small thing, but as I spend so much time in my car, radio is my default go-to, be it Talk Radio, News, Music, or whatever. But given the fact that I often spend 3+ hours in my car each day, I have had to be much more intentional with my use of time. I have elected to spend much of this time in prayer and conversation with God. Sometimes, I will listen to sermons via podcast, but mostly, I pray.

Now, my method of prayer isn't exactly conventional, but I'm very easily distracted, so I needed something other than silent prayer to keep me on track and focused. So recently, I began praying out loud. It was weird at first, and sometimes still is, but I have found it incredibly liberating at the same time. I think it's mostly because not only am I saying it in my head and with my mouth, but I am also hearing myself say it - sort of recognizing, realizing, and admitting exactly what it is that I am saying to God.

I don't think it's for everyone, but it's doing wonderful things for me.

I have recently been struggling with some key decisions that need to be made in my life. Life-changing career-type decisions. Decisions that I don't want to make half-heartedly, and so I have been praying for ultimate clarity and guidance. Well, I'll just come out with it, after all, this blog is anonymous... I've been feeling called to full-time ministry for some time now, and the process of sorting out that call and the next steps are the decisions I'm talking about.

I don't think that those prayers have been fully answered, and whether or not they ever will is another discussion entirely, but the other day, I saw one facet of my prayer come to life.

I was driving to a client's home in Tacoma. And praying, out-loud, "God, this is just so hard. If you'd just give me a sign... Like a burning bush kind of sign... I don't know if that's fair for me to ask, God, but it would really make things more clear."

Arriving at the customer's house, I began to work. About a minute into what I was doing, he looked at me, and flat out asked, "So, are you going to be a minister or what?"

Crazy. I think God gave me a burning-bush.

Road Rage

Instead of giving up the obligatory food or entertainment for the 40 days of fasting I decided to refrain from speeding and tailgating. I know, I know those are illegal and a "good" Christian wouldn't willingly break the law, etc. All I can say is watch out for the plank, they can be blinding. Anyway on to my story...

Commuting to Seattle everyday in traffic has frustrated me. That anger pushes aside the joy that God gives me. And I wanted the joy back. Sunday, before the big game, I volunteer to pick up my children's friends. It's amazing how slow 25 is! Monday as I leave my driveway I remind myself of Lent and figure this will be easy, I only have to avoid tailgating. Wrong! There was NO traffic. I felt like I was walking as the flow of cars zoomed past me. On the way home, traffic was back, and every licensed driver in the Northwest wanted the space right in front of me. I felt like I was going backwards. This has been the pattern all week. I have accidentally sped, correcting as soon as I found out, but all in all I have been faithful. My reward? Peace. Hope. Love. Grace. It has been amazing. Trading frustration for His glory, the right thing to do.

I have always prayed while driving, in the past it has been: "God, please get this idiot out of my way" and this week it has been: (looking in the mirror) "God, get this idiot out of your way". As I have been spending more time in my commute it got me thinking. What would our freeways look like if they were built on Christian values. No one would speed, there would always be 4 seconds between cars, drivers would be looking ahead and behind to see who they could let in, and the left lane would always be empty because "who ever is first shall be last". The only problem I see is that traffic would stop if someone had a blowout as we would all stop to help!

That is my first week story. Happy Lenting to you all. Trust me, give something up to gain some of Him, you will win every time! God Bless.

Season of Lent for 2 years

I feel like I've been in the Season of Lent for over 2 years now. My life has been turned upside down and sideways the past few years. I lost my job in the banking industry and haven't been able to find another one. I was involved in a lot of things at the Church that I am no longer apart of (Music Mostly is the thing I miss most). God has placed me in other things at the Church though and I am constantly learning. I've been feeling lost, overwhelmed and invisible. I was reminded last week though my study in Isaiah that God sees what I am doing and he knows my heart and loves me no matter what even if I may not get a Thank you or any kind of reconition any where else.

I may not really know what all I am supposed to do but I know God has me here for a reason and I'm trusting that God will always be there to see me and make sure my heart is in the right place when I do things. I think God just wants me to be quiet and be still and know that he is God. I am so used to having a set schedule and now I'm pretty open so whatever God needs me to do during the week I can do it. Whether it's helping out a friend when they need a last minute babysitter, or calling a friend to see how they are doing, or whatever. It's not easy for me just to be still and quiet but right now that's where I am at.

Television Replaced

The other day I sat down to eat my bowl of chili for lunch and watch
ESPN. It's what I do whenever I'm home for lunch. Right when I
turned the tv on, God reminded me I'd given up tv for this week of
Lent. I turned it off, went and grabbed my bible and started reading
through Mark. Those stories just jumped off the page in ways I wasn't
expecting. Jesus was so passionate about His mission to tell people
about forgiveness and restoration for people with God. His compassion
for people in need was about the only thing that ever slowed Him
down. He'd simply turn meeting their physical needs into another
opportunity to share with them how much He loved them and what they
really needed spiritually. I love ESPN, but these stories were much
better.